Looks like its time to break some rules and everything I stand by.
I have given it some thought, a lot of thought. I have come to the conclusion that I cannot continue with my previous ways and change must happen.
I have lived long using these methods, but it is a fearful and meaningless life if I continue that path. I had several defending arguments for why you must abide to these rules and if you stray, you will be killed. I argued with Leliel in REPORT 10 on this, I have tried to tell everyone to not fight him and to run. I was so strung up in survival I forgot the reason as to why I was surviving. I deluded myself into thinking I was something else.
If I keep running, I might as well be running from myself.
I am just laughing to myself right now, all that utter crap I kept saying to everyone when I didn't even really believe it myself. I am sorry everyone.
So if I am to stop running, then what will I do next? Simple. Help others who are being chased, I have a year and a half of experiences (which may or may not be real) that could be invaluable to helping others.
Having a goal... It truly does bring an indescribable feeling to me. I feel much better now.
Now that my demise is certain, let's hope I don't die too quickly now.